The subject of sleep has always been tricky for me. I don't get much of it. Sometimes I'm lying awake and my mind is still going fast, still thinking, churning and compressing. It doesn't stop and it wears me thin when the time comes to get up and go to work in the morning. Then there are the nights when I dream true and extraordinary. Not your run of the mill, I went to class/work/wherever naked kind of sleepy visions but the dreams that are so vivid and long that it seems like I never even really went to bed at all. I feel and see everything so hardcore. In that moment there's absolutely no separation between reality and these far away, cosmic adventures my tired subconscious is having.
In the past three nights I have loved, feared, stolen, died and charmed my way through scenarios, each extremely different from each other. And each epic with a twist of thrill and mysterious themes. It's not so much breaking down the dream or trying to remember details - I do that just fine. Its the attempt to apply a meaning for what just went on. What I'm trying to tell myself. Does dreaming of being shot to death and then coming back as a vengeful ghost tell me that something bad and deadly looms near? Does envisioning a man -one that I have an almost embarrassing crush on- nearly assaulting me tell me to watch my step around the opposite sex? Why now in my 20's? Am I losing it? Did I ever have it???
In being honest with you, I do actually hope that the dreams don't fade away with time and age. In some little twisted way I enjoy waking up with a fresh puzzle still on my fuzzy brain, thinking it through during the day and going into battle the following evening. The nights when nothing happens and I'm alone within the silence of a room makes me restless and frustrated.
Its getting later and later, the sun down hours ago and I'm in the cute cotton dress that I bought on a whim. I can feel the cold air come through my thin apartment windows, my back full of knots pulls and contorts my frame. I'm looking forward to hitting the pillow and losing myself in the sheets, letting the mattress do the work.