Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Here with Me

Yes yes kids, the times are a changin' (hopefully for the better- well find out in the long run). I figured that I needed a piece of that change too.

I've always liked this picture. What is he walking away from (or to?) Is he going to take the lit path or the dark alley? It reminds me of my own journey, and that kind of anxious uncertainty you get from being afraid yet determined. When you've been burned so many times before but this time might be different and when you think you're done and had enough, then keep going some more.

I find that it helps being thankful for the little things. The sun rising and setting each morning for example. Knowing that there's a 100% possibility that the sun will go down to the west and give off such a brilliant sky gives me something to strive for. I want to see the sun come up and warm the cold, blue hazed atmosphere that I travel to work in. I want to see the people I love, and let them know - even when its hard - that I do care for them. I have to work on the things that aren't healthy for me. I can't run for a cigarette (Even though I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to) when I'm stressed. I need to let go of the stress and not take things personal. All of these little things I need to have with me every day. Regardless. When you lose track of who you are as a person, there's no other harder consequence to take. I hope to keep this up for as long as I live. There will be days when I give up, but only temporary. I have nothing or no one but myself to rely on.

As the days come and go, I note only the progress I have made with certain issues in my life. I've gotten rid of the people who do me no such good. I think about them only to remind myself of the better times I spent with them and to be more aware of the potential for bad times with others. I've forgiven them (and myself) for every sort of hurt that we have caused each other. That was harder than I thought.

With all of this rambling I guess I just mean to say that I'm a happier person than I was a year ago. I just have to keep on walking.