Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Make it Count

Im in week 3 of a cold/flu/sinus mutation-illness. Can't seem to shake it, and no matter how many dual-action Ricola's I take, I still don't sound like I should. If anyone else out there is dealing with this super bug I wish you comfort and speedy recovery. This is definitely not fun. Despite feeling cruddy I came back to work after a pleasing holiday and didn't take any sick days.

Usually, I go through this time of year with a calm yet strong feeling of reality twinged aggressiveness. My heart and brain automatically switch to survival mode. I do this for my own personal reasons and past...events. In the recent years we've seen the economy become what it is and it seems like even before turkey day the news is hitting you with every bummer report out there and how politicians are fighting about issues ranging from campaign music to foreign situations. By the time the jolly fat man makes his way to your hometown, you are either sick of the whole damn thing or terrified.

2011 has been a hell of a up and down year. Not just for me personally but for a lot of people. The "perk" of living in a small town such as I do is that I hear about everyone's story (even if I don't want to) in one way or another. I try my best to keep to myself, focus on my situation and I can't tell you enough of how much I dislike the gossip aspect of a community but every now and then word comes around that someone you know is having a tough time. Either they no longer have a job, home, or there is violence, alcoholism, drug use-name-the-ailment in the home. My town has seen such a rise in suicides that it wasn't a matter of when, it was how many this week?

My job(s), although I am grateful for everything they have provided me have gotten to me emotionally more this year than I can remember since I ever was first employed. I deal with people every day who are rude to absurd levels because they can hide behind a phonecall or a title. I'm embarrassed to be associated with such people at times. Both culterally and professionaly. I can honestly say with true sincerity that I am not blowing that sentiment out of proportion. People got to start putting themselves in check.

I'm not a New Year's Resolution type of person, never have been. But sitting back and reviewing my past 12 months on this earth has been interesting. I've had to do some housecleaning when it came to people who I once had viewed as friends and despite not admitting this to many, I was really hurt by thier actions. I wrestled with (still do) the fact that I may or may not be ready to get back out there and trust someone in an romantic way. It depends on the day truly. I learned through experience how much I'm willing to endure and how to stand up for myself when I need to, and finally I learned that I should not limit my capabilites with anything. Self-improvement is a continuous process, it never stops even if you feel like giving up. I am much more independent and I appreciate the way I think things through, it's saved me a bunch of trouble. I gave up cigarettes and even though I miss em' sometimes, it was the best decision for me health-wise. There was a lot done this year. I made it through.

I can't change everything that I deal with, I can't change those rude people but that's alright. I can keep myself in check.

It's all a test.

Happy New Year and Holidays Everyone